Do you save a “special” act for special occasions?

In honor of the upcoming commercial debacle known as Valentine’s Day, I thought this might be a good time to bring this out. Do you save a “special” sexual act for special occasions? I should probably preface this by saying, this in reference to a woman doing something she wouldn’t normally do because she doesn’t like it. But she still pulls this act out on special occasions and performs it. Now, before reading further, I need you to understand that my perspective is slightly skewed because in my house the full menu is available at all times. This idea confuses me on several levels. Is there something you really don’t like so much that you would relegate it to once or twice year? And even then on those few times are you so unsure of the solidity of your relationship that you would force yourself to do something you hated in order to please your man? I get that when it comes to sex acts I’m kinda liberal. I’m open to trying just about anything these days because I get off on what gets my man off. Wait – maybe I’m the man in the relationship 🙂 But if I truly hated something, my husband wouldn’t force me to do it. And, more importantly, I don’t think he’d get any pleasure from something he knew I hated so much. Now if the act was something you were more, meh about, instead of outright hate, then I would question the number of times you’re making it available. Meaning that the more you tried something the more you might like it. Relegating it to only being available once or twice a year means it’s not something you or your partner are well versed in together and that makes it even easier to have something go wrong, or not altogether right, and you’re left with the meh feelings. If you want to save something “special” sexually for a holiday, say Valentine’s Day, then try something new together. What better way to celebrate your love and affection then attempt to expand your boundaries together. This could be a new position, new toy, new outfit. Anything that’s new to you. The vulnerability brought on by exploration is what creates bonds.

Realistic Female Orgasms – UPDATED!

You know how according to Cosmo, or Elle, or some other “prestigious” women’s magazine, we should be having these mind-blowing orgasms. And if we’re not having them, then there’s something wrong with us and they’d like to help us have them in 5 easy steps! Yeah. I know we’re thinking the same thing. What is a mind-blowing orgasm? Do you have to have only mind-blowing orgasms? There was an article written recently discussing 8 more realistic types of female orgasms. While I laughed my way through half of it, it was also startlingly true. I’d like to enter my own realistic orgasms for consideration….

1. The I just need an orgasm, orgasm:  Very similar to the article’s “let’s get this over with orgasm,” with one major difference, it’s not about cumming to get on to something else, it’s only about cumming and cumming quickly. My husband knows that I sometimes just need an orgasm a night. It’s like a minimum service level for me or something. 🙂 So in our enlightened communication phase, he’ll sometimes ask me, do you need sex, or will just an orgasm do?

2. The warm-up orgasm:  For those of us lucky enough to orgasm multiple times during a sex session, sometimes we’re so turned on, we need a warm-up orgasm just to take the edge off. These orgasms are generally from manual stimulation (aka fingering) or from oral sex.

3. The, as my husband calls it, bathing his balls orgasm:  Yup, I’m squirter. And usually when my husband hits on or around my g-spot I’m known to just gush! These orgasms are intense and humorous all at the same time. Humorous because I just laugh about that much liquid cumming/coming, pardon the pun, out of me. Seriously, if you can’t laugh while having sex sometimes, you’re with the wrong person.

4. The screaming orgasm:  For me this is the general mode. I don’t know if it’s more an indication of quality of the orgasm as it is the quality of my vocal chords. I’m just loud when I’m having sex. Fact of life.

UPDATED FOR READER ADDITIONS…..

Lovely reader Darla has submitted the following addition

5. The paralyzer orgasm: The orgasm that is so groundbreaking, earth-shattering, life-affirming, (add your own superlative) that you literally can’t move afterwards. No honey, you go on ahead, I’ll be with you later.

So between the article and my personal observations, what do you think? Are these more realistic representation of female orgasms? Any you would like to add to the list?

Slippery When Wet – Review of DreamBrands Lubricant

Everyone needs a little lubrication every once in a while. Whether you’re using it as additional vaginal lubrication, with your toys, or for anal play, you’ll need to have a good lube on hand.

My husband and I, while looking for new things to play with, ran across the idea of clit sensitizing gel. DreamBrands has a highly rated version, G-Female Stimulating Gel. I purchased this and highly anticipated its arrival. When it did arrive, the husband and I got down to business and quickly tested it out. I have to say that this particular product didn’t do anything for me. I was not deterred though because every person is different and not all our body chemistry’s react to things the same. So I let the company know that while I was thrilled with their service, the actual product did nothing for me. Stick with me, this is where it gets interesting. DreamBrands instantly (within minutes) emailed me back and stated their regrets that the product didn’t work out for me and gave me an instant, no questions asked, refund. It gets better. Then they asked if there was an alternate product I would like to try for free. So I went on their website and found two products that intrigued me.

A couple days later, a new box from DreamBrands shows up at my house. Not only had the company sent the two requested lubes to test, but they sent full size bottles! If that isn’t phenomenal customer service I don’t know what is.

So let’s get down to what I did like. The first of the requested alternate lubes was the DreamBrands Sensual Massage personal lubricant. We love this one because my husband oftentimes starts foreplay with a massage of sorts. This creates a smooth glide of skin over skin. It doesn’t dry sticky and when the husband moves on to using his fingers for penetration, the residual lubricant also feels great inside me as well. So there’s no back and forth between a massage oil and lubricant. Genius.

The second item I received was The Natural Personal Lubricant with Carrageenan. A great water based lube that I can use with my toys like the We-Vibe 4. There’s nothing special about it but it does the job and I have no complaints. It’s never sticky or tacky, no scent, and my husband’s favorite part is the push top dispenser. No unscrewing a lid and pouring.

So while my initial review of DreamBrands was from a product that didn’t do anything for me, I really was incredibly surprised by their over the top customer service support. And the two follow up items I received were a fantastic introduction into their other personal lubricant products. They definitely have a repeat customer in me!

Finding My Sexuality

Apparently this article about sex life in your 30s and subsequent post I wrote discussing it, really hit a nerve. Is there really no one out there discussing 30 something sex in a functional way? I did a quick google search, after I saw/heard the response to my post, and found that no, that conversation isn’t happening. The only thing being talked about in terms of 30 somethings is when your sex life has gone astray, is lost, or broken. So to continue my own conversation on the 30 something sex life, I’d like to tell you about how my husband and I are at a better place than ever with our intimacy.

What is it about our 20s that encourages insecurity, fosters it, allows it to take over our personalities and lives. I feel much more confident as a 30 something than I ever did in my 20s. And the true irony is that I had a better body in my 20s and didn’t know it.

I’ve always had a higher than normal sex drive and open to creative positions, but besides that our sex life has generally been rather vanilla. We met very early, as freshmen in college. We were both inexperienced sexually. When you’re new to the whole sex thing, as we were, for us it was mistakenly about quantity rather than quality. Maybe it was a young person thing, but we had sex all the time, in all kinds of positions, and I’d cum, only once, and we’d be done. We thought we were adventurous just because our use of different positions. That was all well and good until we’ve been together 5-10 years and all of a sudden what was once fresh and new was surprisingly stale and boring. We still had sex with regular frequency, I still came, but I felt like we were missing something. We never really talked about sex, or really anything, because my husband isn’t much of a sharer and for fear of rejection, I just didn’t bring anything up.

After two children, physically, things don’t sit in quite the same spot, and yet here I am completely comfortable in my imperfectly beautiful body. That confidence has extended itself into the bedroom. Whereas before I wasn’t comfortable enough to voice my interests, all of a sudden I had the confidence to finally ask my husband some uncomfortable (at the time) questions. Late one night, for some unknown reason, I started asking questions and he, even more surprisingly, was answering anything I asked. I started asking him what his fantasies were. And knowing my husband, I had to ask specific questions. He will not offer information, but will answer things truthfully when asked. No more fear of rejection running rampant in my brain. And it is so incredibly freeing to feel that way. Once you open up to your partner in that way and start truly discussing likes and dislikes a whole new world opens up to you. That’s how I can say that after 13 years together, 10 years married, we are currently experiencing a sexual awakening/revolution.

It was these discussions that led us to purchasing our first sex toy, trying anal sex, and discussing the possibility (although logistically a nightmare) of engaging in a threesome. With each idea we present, we talk through things like never before. And through talking and hearing each others’ opinions I am closer to him than ever before. We’re exploring together. We’re growing together as a couple and to me that is a functional sex life as a 30 something.

What’s Normal – Married Sex….

There’s an article going around that’s creating a lot of buzz about married sex. This 30-something man that has been with his wife for over a decade documented all his sexual encounters, both with himself and with his wife, that went to completion in the past year, 2013. I was so intrigued with this article because very rarely do I find sex talked about in this demographic. The 30-something in a long term relationship with children still has sex? Taboo! I don’t necessarily want to call his experience normal, because what is normal? However it was a really fun read for my husband and I to look at as sort of a baseline. It got us talking about how we compare and if we cared about the differences. For example, in the article the man claims to have averaged approximately two blow jobs a month. I joked with my husband that I’m behind and should pick up the pace for the year. He brought up a good point, it wasn’t that I don’t give him blow jobs, he just prefers to finish elsewhere. So what may start as a blow job, for him, generally leads to some kind of penetrative sex. And his point was that it was just a personal preference of where he would like to finish. So I guess this leaves Naive Nancy wondering, if we use this article as a baseline, where do you come in at?