Do you use the back door?



Anal sex. It’s such a polarizing topic. You either love it or hate it. I’ve rarely ran across a woman who was just meh about it. I love how this article compares it to cilantro. Cracks me up. But it’s essentially saying the same thing, how polarizing it is.

Why don’t we talk about anal play, versus anal sex. I think if we were to broaden the subject to play, instead of just penile penetration, it might make some less wary of the topic, and maybe we can add more gray area to an otherwise black and white subject.

So you, or your partner, has entertained the idea of anal play. Where to start. I would recommend starting with you fingers, just touching the area. There are so many nerve endings around the anus that just brushing across it can be wildly stimulating. And to someone that is new to anal play, this can be enough excitement to start with. I remember when my husband and I first started with anal play, I had to get over the urge to giggle and flinch any time he would attempt to touch me there. I had been pre-programmed with the idea that it was an exit only area, so even the smallest brushes against it felt so taboo!

Grab some lube, because the next step in anal play is penetration with fingers. After you have gotten used to being touched on your puckered hole, maybe you’re ready to up the ante a bit. The anus is different than your vagina in that it takes a lot more conscious relaxation on your part to allow your muscles to let something penetrate you there. It will take practice releasing the tension in your anus to allow something in, even something as small as a single finger of your partner’s. Initial penetration by digits isn’t about depth, but just getting your body used to accepting something there. If your partner is a man, and is adventurous, try adding this trick to a blowjob.

Next, let’s say you really like digital manipulation in your ass and you’re ready for something more. Time for some toys. Find a beginner butt plug and add that in to your anal play. It can be used alone to get your ass used to something larger than a finger, or it can be used with vaginal intercourse as a pseudo double penetration beginner step.

How about trying a rim job? Some people love the feeling of a tongue around the ass. It’s all about you and your partner’s comfort levels. If you have a partner that loves to give oral, I would definitely recommend giving this a try as well.

And finally, if you’ve tried all the above and you want more. Then you can move on to penile penetration of the anus. What most people associate as being true anal sex.

See how many steps there was before you ever got to this point? I believe most people just jump to the final step, without working up to it and they miss all the fun to be had in between. So when asked about anal sex, they do feel strongly. It’s become an all or nothing topic for them.

I strongly recommend anal play as a way to increase intimacy with your partner. It takes a lot of communication and vulnerability to try something new like this. And regardless of which partner is taking the penetration, that involves trust.

Let’s change the way people think of anal sex. Why don’t we start talking about anal play instead.

What are your thoughts on anal play?

10 thoughts on “Do you use the back door?

  1. I’ve done all the steps that you’ve mentioned and they’re all enjoyable. But in the end, I turned out to be one of those ones that was just meh about it. Don’t love it, don’t hate it.

    • Then you’re one of the few I mentioned. What about it is just blah for you? And if it’s blah, do you continue to do it, or take it off the menu? In general, for people who haven’t tried anal sex before, I was really trying to steer the conversation towards anal play instead.

      • I don’t take it off the menu, but I’m never the one ordering it. I love anal play – the tongue, the finger, a plug. Maybe I’m missing some nerve endings, but when it comes to the main course, I just don’t feel anything special.

      • I seem to like it best when it’s done as “double” penetration. I can’t seem to enjoy the act as much if there’s not something in my vagina at the same time. Have you considered that?

    • Thanks. Would you believe the meme drove my entire post? I found it and knew I had to write something that included it. And of course I cheesily (I know, made up word) like the idea of changing people’s pre-wired notions about things. One of those being anal play/sex.

  2. nelson says:

    I’ve found many women have a predjudice against anal sex and anal play because a very early experiment went horribly wrong. For instance there was a large lack of anal foreplay. I love the anal foreplay and I must confess I love licking and sucking at a ladies puckered ring. I take pride in my ability to be PATIENT with that area and I don’t necessarily expect to penetrate the area during a first exploration with a partner that is not sure how she feels about haiving me park my car back there. I have been on the other end as well. When I was in my teens I manage to explore same sex experiences as well. I find it rather enjoyable if it is approached correctly.
    Licking, playing, slowly inserting small toys the fingers or multible fingers. I have also been with many females that I have allowed to finger me and insert small dildoes in me and eventually us a strap on dildo putting them in a dominant position. Anal play and anal sex can be quite enjoyable. Thank you for this post.

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