Romeo O Romeo

popsicles

In honor of the daily prompt, I thought I would take the time to tell you all about my Romeo.

What does it take to be the soul mate, one and only to Naive Nancy?

– when we buy a box of popsicles and he likes the grape ones and I like the cherry ones

– our height difference is such that he can sit or stand behind me and rest his chin on my head

– his hands are exactly the same size as my feet

– as much as we love all things sexual, we also are suckers for old fashioned games: Scrabble, Uno, Jenga, Twister, Monopoly

– we have a deep and abiding love for miniature golf and bowling

– he truly understands how to reach my heart – through my stomach! who needs flowers when you can get a sex sandwich, the world’s best drinking chocolate, or coffee on the weekends.

– for our 10th wedding anniversary, this man went entirely outside his comfort zone and planned a grand romantic gesture. If pushing your own boundaries for the sake of another isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

– but at the same time, it also says love when your man always gives up the cherry on top of his sundae because he knows you like it

– when he hangs up a rack for nail polish and then proceeds to fill it for you while you’re out with the girls

– when he cleans your car for you instead of getting on you about how messy it is because he knows that it is the result of transporting the children you made together. And it is his small way of helping when he can’t be there during the day.

– when he sits next to you while you’re blogging and puts together a dresser just so that you have more room for your excessive amount of socks and underwear (of course that’s not happening as we speak) πŸ™‚

Naive Nancy is one lucky woman. How does your partner complete you?

Dipping Our Toes Into the Scary….

No I do not suddenly have a foot fetish. Let’s just get that out of the way right now. I know what you were thinking.

We’ve recently dipped our toes in the waters of couples dating. Let me explain.

While discussing our fantasies and pushing our boundaries, we have found that both of us like the idea of voyeurism, exhibitionism and adding people to the mix. We’re really not sure how deep these fantasies run, are they purely exciting on a cerebral level, or would we actually like to try them. But at this point we’re interested enough to at least meet others with similar interests.

I have likened it to couples dating. We’d like to meet couples for dinner, drinks, conversation and maybe some flirting. Doesn’t that sound divine? At this point I think I’d be completely satisfied with just that. I mean, after all, I have no one to talk to in real life about all this sex stuff. Having someone to talk to in person would be quite the novelty.

Now, how do you go about meeting couples? Well, there are websites out there for that. Similar to match.com and the likes, but for couples in alternate lifestyles. I don’t know that I particularly like the label “alternate lifestyles,” so at least while you’re here with me, let’s ignore that.

So we’ve put ourselves on a dating website, we’ve gotten some interest, but now to actually pull the trigger and go through with it. To actually meet someone? That is the scary stuff. See, Romeo (at least that’s what the poll tells me I should call him) and I have been together for over a decade. We’ve been married for 10 years, but together, even longer than that. So it’s been a REALLY LONG TIME since I’ve had to meet someone new. And all that that entails. You know, nerves….worrying about my appearance, and mannerisms, etc. These are things I haven’t had to consider in forever.

This is just one of many things I love about long term relationships. Having everything, and I mean everything, out on the table and you still come back for more.

I yearn for the anonymity of Naive Nancy, but alas, if I wish to ever make real connections that cannot be. I think I’m going to have to put myself out there if I wish to see results.

Anyone have experience with this and can provide some insight? I’d love first hand advice and recommendations.

The Case for Shower Sex

shower sex

As said previously, I recently moved. And with that move has come a lot of positive things. We moved to a bigger house, in a better neighborhood, with a bigger yard. And Stepford-like neighbors that brought me flowers. But do you know what it didn’t come with? A shower with a built in step/seat.

I know what you’re thinking, what’s the big deal? Well, this all deals with the case for shower sex.

Shower sex is a very big part of our sexual repertoire. It is done usually on the weekends, at least once. It’s our thing. Our previous showers have been built in such a way that we had a seat in the shower. The seat is a crucial part of our shower sex. I am often sat on the seat as the husband (if you don’t like me calling him husband, help me name him) goes down on me. Or I’m kneeling on the seat as he takes me from behind. Or he’s sitting on the seat while I blow him. Or one of us is sitting on the seat and one on the shower floor while we perform mutual masturbation. Sometimes with toys, sometimes without. Ooh, and how could I forget, sitting on the seat while I give him a hand job. Easily my favorite thing. See, a seat is a crucial piece in our shower sex lives.

Don’t worry, I’m about to address what you’re thinking. I know you’re wondering why we can’t just do it standing up. Well, this is the only time our serious height difference becomes a problem. We cannot have sex just standing upright. I’m very short, he’s very tall. There’s 13″ between the two of us. Makes for impossible standing up sex. Put us in a reclining or lying down position and we’re completely compatible. Put his super long legs and my stumpy ones into play and he’s basically fucking my boobs. Which isn’t bad if that’s what we were going for, but it’s not!

We had the pleasure of staying at a hotel recently that had “steps” in the shower. That’s the only time we’ve been able to have standing up sex in the shower. Makes me want steps and a seat both in the shower. And a bar up high, reinforced, so that I can hang on. Wait, I think I just made the shower like a “play room.” Kinky.

This shower issue is such that we will need to renovate the bathroom at some point just to rectify the situation. I miss my shower sex!

Seriously, if I haven’t made a case for you to try shower sex yet, think about it. It’s like the ultimate erotic fantasy. You’re dripping wet, or he’s dripping wet (whichever turns you on more). You’re all slippery. There’s steam. Porn movie in the making.

What do you think, did I just talk you into some shower sex? Enjoy it for me.

Help Needed!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks here at home. The husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and we moved. All in the last two weeks. Anyone who has moved, especially with kids, will know how harrowing these past couple weeks have been. Luckily my “toy box” was packed last and unpacked first. πŸ™‚ Priorities. So stay tuned for our regularly scheduled programming.

And in the meantime, I would like some help. I keep referring to my spouse on here as my husband. I think he needs his own moniker. Suggestions?

Naive Nancy’s Workout Plan

You too can look like this in six easy steps!

You too can look like this in six easy steps!

You know what, I just can’t help myself. Sex Info 101 should be paying me by now. After reviewing their animated sex position guide for favorite sex positions, and then again when discussing the anatomically impossible sex positions. I have found that there is yet one final installment to be had in the Sex Info 101 animated sex position guide series. Naive Nancy’s sex position workout plan. Wait, just follow me on this one.

This is for you gentlemen. Your ladies want you in shape and you want sex right? These things do not have to be mutually exclusive.

1) The Monkey Bar – look at that, pull ups! Pull-ups and penetration, AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

2) The Standing 69 – this is a seriously advanced squat using your partner’s bodyweight.

3) The Big Dipper – a tricep dip, maybe you can superset this with the #1.

4) The Bumper Cars – reminiscent of the superman plank exercise, you’re really looking at a full body workout here.

5) The Booster Seat – looks like a moderate bicep curl to me, but I’m really distracted by the childlike name. I don’t want to be thinking about my children while fucking.

6) The Snake Charmer – hope you’ve been keeping up with your yoga, you will need to in order to nail this position.

I left off the most obvious, that most sexual positions include a general forward thrusting motion for you which is an instant ab and gluteus maximus flex.

So take your standard ~100 calories burned during a sexual session and maximize that with the Naive Nancy workout plan. *results may vary*

And that completes my trifecta of posts on the Sex Info 101s animate sexual position guide. Hope you enjoyed.