Naive Nancy’s Guide to Men’s Underwear

Romeo's party pants!

Romeo’s party pants!

I recently had the pleasure, and I do mean the pleasure, of helping Romeo pick out some new underwear. Everyone, men and women alike, focus on women’s underwear, but not a lot of thought is brought to the men’s underwear. So because of that, what I thought was going to be a relatively easy task, turned into something a bit more challenging.

Now don’t get me wrong, as a personal stylist in my spare time, I understand the basic types of men’s underwear: briefs, boxers, and the best of both worlds, boxer-briefs. Note:  For the purpose of this discussion we’re sticking to the basic mainstays of the modern straight gentleman. But, apparently it’s been way too long since we’ve looked for something different in this department because there seems to be quite an emergence of creativity in color, inseams, and fabrics.

all the colors!

all the colors!

What used to be available in only white, gray, navy and black, is now made in the full rainbow of colors. And if solids, even if in an impressive array of options, are still too boring for you, there are plenty of print/picture options.

a little fruit with that juicy butt?

a little fruit with that juicy butt?

Fabric options used to only be 100% cotton, or a cotton/spandex blend (if you wanted something a little better fitting). Now there’s an actual consideration for the purpose of wearing the underwear. Looking for performance wear for workouts? Try microfiber (available in nylon or polyester) for more breathability.

no not that kind of breathability

no not that kind of breathability

Cotton is still a mainstay for basic comfort, but modal has come along as the upscale option. There are fabric options for less pilling, fraying, fading and everything in between. Who knew there were/are so many options?!

is the junk peeking out yet?

is the junk peeking out yet?

And outside the basic three styles, has emerged another hybrid option, trunks. Trunks are basically boxer-briefs with a shorter inseam. Think European swimwear.

pockets!

pockets!

Just like everything else today, there are a plethora of “extras” that can be built into the underwear for form, function or just whimsy.

I can help you with that

I can help you with that

But at the end of the day, a classic is still a classic!

Hi Marky Mark

Hi Marky Mark

What do you prefer to see on your man…

 

Bowchickawow-wow

So while surfing the interwebs this evening, Romeo found a funny meme referencing the stereotypical theme music for sex, “Bowchickawow-wow.” While it was humorous, I couldn’t help to think about how dated that reference is. If we could “re-write” the stereotypical song/jingle representing sex, what would it be? I came up with a few ideas with the help of some friends. Do any of these apply to you?

Do you have a partner who’s in the dog house? Not going to be getting any “lovin” any time soon? Try one of these as your new theme song.

En Vogue – My Lovin’ (Never Gonna Get It)

MC Hammer – Can’t Touch This

Equally as cheesy as “bowchickawow-wow,” but with an 80s flair.

Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar on Me

Tone Loc – Wild Thing

You’re in the mood for dirty animal sex?

NIN – Closer

Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch

How about a marathon sex session?

AC/DC – You Shook Me All Night Long

International Man-Whores need their own anthems too, right?

Jason Derulo – Talk Dirty To Me

What about cheap whores?

AC/DC – Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

 

How about oral sex?

112 – Peaches & Cream

50 Cent – Candy Shop

Need some inspiration to try out sex in dangerous places?

Nickelback – Animals

I’m fairly certain this talks about sex. Here’s your international reference. Bonus points if you can understand all of it.

Rammstein – Pussy

And finally, I had a hard time classifying this one, but this man hung out in an abusive cheating relationship just for the sex.

Limp Bizkit – Nookie

This was a fun game. Do you have any recommendations?