Happy Anniversary to Me!

That’s right, a year ago Naive Nancy launched her musings. Sometimes thoughtful, sometimes humorous, and oftentimes ridiculous. This has been such a revolutionary year for me as an individual and for The Mister and I as a couple and you’ve been here through it all.

You’ve been here with me as I’ve learned about sex toys. My first sex toy review was even hinted at in Naive Nancy’s inaugural post. Talk about coming full circle. One year later and I’ve been sent the next version of that sex toy, the We-Vibe 4 Plus, to review here for this blog.

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We’ve talked about hot button topics as they’ve hit the “mainstream” media:  married sex, anal sexhow orgasms aren’t necessary for sexual satisfactionthe promotion of mothers as asexual beings.

tee-hee!

tee-hee!

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20-something sex vs 30-something sex

Can I just say how much I love Reddit. So addicting!

As I’ve progressed with my own sexuality into my 30s, I’m come to wonder if this is the natural order of events to be more comfortable in your sexuality as you age. So I’d like to discuss what I’ve seen to be the differences between sex in your 20s vs your 30s.

20-something sex:

It’s all about over-eagerness. You’re so thrilled to be having sex, I believe it’s more about quantity than quality. I even talked about my own experiences with that here.

You’re still learning about yourself, therefore you’re not always sure about what you like, what you’re comfortable trying, and how far you’d like to go.

Sex is still fairly new to you, so the uncomfortable aspects of sex (fluids, noises, smells) are embarrassing to you and thereby limiting to your exploration.

30-something sex:

You’re more comfortable with your body and don’t let it get in the way of sexual encounters.

You’ve learned more about who you are as a person and you’re not afraid to ask for what you want.

You’ve had enough sexual experience to get past the embarrassments. This tends to make you more open to trying new things.

Overall I feel like there’s a better acceptance of yourself as a 30-something and that leads to better sexual encounters.

Have something to add to this? We have a rousing discussion about this over on Reddit. You can add to that over here or in the comments.

Finding My Sexuality

Apparently this article about sex life in your 30s and subsequent post I wrote discussing it, really hit a nerve. Is there really no one out there discussing 30 something sex in a functional way? I did a quick google search, after I saw/heard the response to my post, and found that no, that conversation isn’t happening. The only thing being talked about in terms of 30 somethings is when your sex life has gone astray, is lost, or broken. So to continue my own conversation on the 30 something sex life, I’d like to tell you about how my husband and I are at a better place than ever with our intimacy.

What is it about our 20s that encourages insecurity, fosters it, allows it to take over our personalities and lives. I feel much more confident as a 30 something than I ever did in my 20s. And the true irony is that I had a better body in my 20s and didn’t know it.

I’ve always had a higher than normal sex drive and open to creative positions, but besides that our sex life has generally been rather vanilla. We met very early, as freshmen in college. We were both inexperienced sexually. When you’re new to the whole sex thing, as we were, for us it was mistakenly about quantity rather than quality. Maybe it was a young person thing, but we had sex all the time, in all kinds of positions, and I’d cum, only once, and we’d be done. We thought we were adventurous just because our use of different positions. That was all well and good until we’ve been together 5-10 years and all of a sudden what was once fresh and new was surprisingly stale and boring. We still had sex with regular frequency, I still came, but I felt like we were missing something. We never really talked about sex, or really anything, because my husband isn’t much of a sharer and for fear of rejection, I just didn’t bring anything up.

After two children, physically, things don’t sit in quite the same spot, and yet here I am completely comfortable in my imperfectly beautiful body. That confidence has extended itself into the bedroom. Whereas before I wasn’t comfortable enough to voice my interests, all of a sudden I had the confidence to finally ask my husband some uncomfortable (at the time) questions. Late one night, for some unknown reason, I started asking questions and he, even more surprisingly, was answering anything I asked. I started asking him what his fantasies were. And knowing my husband, I had to ask specific questions. He will not offer information, but will answer things truthfully when asked. No more fear of rejection running rampant in my brain. And it is so incredibly freeing to feel that way. Once you open up to your partner in that way and start truly discussing likes and dislikes a whole new world opens up to you. That’s how I can say that after 13 years together, 10 years married, we are currently experiencing a sexual awakening/revolution.

It was these discussions that led us to purchasing our first sex toy, trying anal sex, and discussing the possibility (although logistically a nightmare) of engaging in a threesome. With each idea we present, we talk through things like never before. And through talking and hearing each others’ opinions I am closer to him than ever before. We’re exploring together. We’re growing together as a couple and to me that is a functional sex life as a 30 something.